I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
