1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I think people are normalizing furries
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
