Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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