i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
