my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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