I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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