From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
