My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
