I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
