mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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