Sacagawea was the original milf.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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