when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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