Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
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