That's intense
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
