While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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