mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Terrible idea I love it
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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