I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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