I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
