and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize