last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
