ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
