and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize