It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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