Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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