I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
