oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Pants are for mortals
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
