Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
