she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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