we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
