if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
