I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
