Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
