she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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