I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
