i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
