You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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