i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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