youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
