And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
