i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
