we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I need mimosas to revive my soul
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
