You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
