it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize