Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
