wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize