and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
