so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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