so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
