oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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