remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
