I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
