Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
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