Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
