dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
