OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
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