her vagine was all disorganized.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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