god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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