i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I will be naked everywhere
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
