I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
