your room smells of hookers.
And success
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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