my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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