i was born a porn star she said
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
MIDGETS
????
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
