We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
