the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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