i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
