I met the friendliest cop last night
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
