Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
